


Demon Spawn

by GuineapigQueen



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, but its still very fluffy, its just a story where craig shows his love by being a bit of a dick, this is just silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 17:04:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20312995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuineapigQueen/pseuds/GuineapigQueen
Summary: “Your kid is a fuck, Tweek” Craig groans as he hovers over the toilet. He thinks he’s done vomiting, maybe, but he still feels like trash.“Don’t say that Craig!” Tweek replies, sounding scandalised. It annoys Craig because he’s always talked like this, just because their baby is little doesn’t mean they’re off limits.





	Demon Spawn

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this was just a fun thing inspired by me and hamflask spitballing about cursed ideas. The only real premise of this is that Creek are kinda dicks to each other out of love. Take that as you will.

“Your kid is a fuck, Tweek” Craig groans as he hovers over the toilet. He thinks he’s done vomiting, maybe, but he still feels like trash. 

“Don’t say that Craig!” Tweek replies, sounding scandalised. It annoys Craig because he’s always talked like this, just because their baby is little doesn’t mean they’re off limits. 

“I’m already fat, I shouldn’t be puking still!” Craig frowns down at the swell of his belly, all the books he’d skimmed told him that the barfing was supposed to curb during the second trimester. So far everything had stayed the same except now he was fat. 

“I don’t think that’s how it  _ -nghh-  _ works man” Tweek says sympathetically and rubs his back. 

Craig lets out a big, dramatic sigh before reaching for Tweek. 

“Bed” he demands “bed and cuddles, now.”

“Say please, bitch” Tweek says with a laugh, helping Craig up just the same.

“Please” Craig adds flatly “even if your kid is a demon.”

“You can’t blame me wholly” Tweek says with a shrug “the demons half  _ -hnn-  _ you too.”

“You’re the demon half” Craig grumbles as they make their way towards their bed. Not their marital bed, because they aren’t married. Because absolutely none of this was planned, Craig curses how much he loves Tweek every day. Because if he didn’t love Tweek, he wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with. 

They curl up in bed together, Tweek joining Craig slightly after Craig has settled as Tweek is kind enough to get the lights. Craig appreciates it, he’s been extra sensitive to light lately. 

For Craig this whole thing is confusing. He had zero intentions of having a baby, let alone having a baby now, at eighteen. They’ve only just started at college and not really even adults yet. And shit, being pregnant is awful. 

If Craig had been smarter, he wouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the first place but he’s the kind of idiot who thinks with his dick and just assumes these things won’t happen to him. They can, and they will, he reminds himself placing a hand on the bump of his stomach. 

They didn’t take the decision to keep the baby lightly, but Craig wholly believes love makes you go stupid. Any logic went out the window, especially when he remembers that this little person is half the love of his life. He shares DNA with Tweek, in the child, it's crazy knowing he has a piece of Tweek growing in his belly. He couldn’t get rid of that, ever. He knows it’s more sentiment than practicality but it’s how he feels. So he stayed pregnant, as much as he’s hated it. 

He hates the process itself really, not the baby. Even if he likes to blame the baby in his complaints, deep down he knows he’d never take them back or give them up. It’s just kind of the way he shows affection, he talks to Tweek, the person he loves most in the world - exactly the same way. Their friends have never got it, but it’s just  _ them.  _

“You better be worth it” he says to his stomach, knowing Tweek can hear.

“They will be” Tweek hums, wriggling in closer to Craig. He wraps an arm around Craig and rests a hand affectionately on his belly. Craig lets himself melt into the touches, drifting to sleep with the comforting feeling of Tweek stroking his tummy. 

—

Craig struggled to get up in the morning before he got pregnant but now it’s a thousand times worse. If he had his way, and didn’t have Tweek up his ass - he’d stay in bed, and at home all day. But Tweek isn’t so sympathetic, well he is and he isn’t. He’s sympathetic to a point, but he won’t allow Craig to laze around and wallow. In the long run, he appreciates it but right now, in the short term he wants a divorce. He doesn’t care that they aren’t married, that doesn’t feel relevant, he wants a divorce,  _ now. _

“Fuck you” he mumbles at Tweek, as Tweek removes the covers off their bed. 

“You know you’ll get no sleep when the  _ -gah-  _ baby comes right?” Tweek points out with a stifled laugh.

“Let me get some now then!” Craig shoots back, he’s tired, cranky and hormonal. He wants his warm covers back. 

“Get the fuck up, you wanna end up a fat blob entirely  _ -gah-  _ reliant on me?” Tweek teases. And fuck, that bastard knows how to get him. Tweek doesn’t really mean it, he just knows Craig is worried he’ll end up stuck at home while Tweek gets a career.  _ That asshole. _

“I hate you so much” he grumbles.

“You gotta get your degree baby!” Tweek ever positive, ignores his sour tone.

“Know I’m only getting up because I’m cold now, not for you” Craig says, glowering at Tweek as he rolls out of bed. He heads over to the clean laundry pile (they’re still figuring out how to adult) to find something to wear. 

“I love you too, Craig” Tweek snorts, going back to brushing his hair. To minimal success, Tweek’s hair has always been pretty hard to tame. 

Craig glares at the pile as he sorts through it, there’s a bunch of stuff he no longer fits into that he’s just left there. He doesn’t really want to think about it, or deal with the consequences. Tweek is mostly being patient and letting Craig come to terms with the changes in his body in his own time. Craig honestly doesn’t have much variety in his wardrobe anymore, just alternating the bigger sizes he has. (And the one pair of jeans Tweek brought home, several sizes too big with the intention for Craig to grow into.) He only wears the same few shirts over and over, it means they have to do laundry more often but Tweek has so far been kind and not brought this up. 

He finds the jeans, already been worn and washed several times over already, and a shirt that was big on him before falling pregnant. 

“I hope you know I’ll fall asleep in class” Craig says, pulling on the jeans.

“Don’t you dare” Tweek threatens, well, mock-threatens anyway. 

Craig is about to fire back some witty comeback when he goes to pull up the jeans - but they won’t go. He looks down at his belly, confused. He can’t see over his stomach all that well (he can still see his feet, but only just) but he can tell his pants won’t go over it. Nor will they do up under it, when he looks in the mirror he can see for himself that there’s no way he’s getting that button closed. 

“Fuck!” He says frustratedly. He just kind of stands there dumbly with his pants undone, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

“What?” Tweek asks, scurrying over “what  _ -nnn-  _ now?”

“My fat pants don’t fit anymore Tweek” Craig says, glaring down at his stomach.

“You’ve got sweatpants, but we can get some pregnancy pants on the  _ -ah-  _ weekend” Tweek says dismissively, like it’s no big deal that his whole entire abdomen has just been taken over. 

“I’m fucking huge Tweek, your child is growing at a mutant rate” he replies, unimpressed. 

“You can’t blame the baby for your own  _ -hnn-  _ shitty self image” Tweek teases, but it falls a little flat on Craig’s ears. 

“Fuck you! You don’t know what it feels like to grow a human in your belly!” Craig yells, he knows he’s overreacting but fuck it, he’s pregnant - he’s earned the right. 

“You’re right, I don’t. I’m sorry, you’ve just been a real  _ -gah-  _ bitch this morning” Tweek retorts. 

“That’s not a real apology” Craig sulks, “this is the thanks I get for carrying your baby.”

“Craig Tucker, love of my life, pain in my ass - I’m very sorry for teasing you, and I love you very much” Tweek says, pulling Craig into a hug.

“I love you too, fucker” Craig mutters “help me find some sweatpants I can wear to class.”

Craig always sits nearest the exit in his lectures, because he’s not at the stage where his morning sickness is over. Sometimes he has to puke mid-lecture, it’s embarrassing even though he’s never been sick in front of his classmates - they know anyway. Everyone knows he’s pregnant now, he’s hasn’t really been hiding it but now his belly is much too big to hide. He’s kind of a joke amongst his peers, mainly because it’s not a secret that the baby wasn’t planned. His peers are about as mature as he is, and they think his misfortune is hilarious. 

He mostly sits alone, he doesn’t have many friends in his actual field. He finds most of them to be insufferable frat boy types. Maybe it’s lame, but he doesn’t mind sitting alone, he’s not really alone anyway - he likes being able to blend in, zone out and just feel the baby moving and kicking. 

Craig, Tweek, Clyde, Jimmy and Token all break for lunch about the same time they try to make time for one another whenever schedules permit. He much prefers them to his classmates. Craig is in engineering, Token is taking Business and law, Clyde is taking arts, Jimmy is studying teaching and Tweek is studying business. It’s nice for them to catch up and socialise.

“Whoa, you’re huge Craig!” Clyde exclaims, with little subtlety and his usual poor taste.

So much for nice. 

“I’m pregnant” Craig replies flatly “that’s what happens.”

“It looks cute on you, you’d suit fat” Tweek says with a wink. Craig nudges him, knowing Tweek is just being playful. Tweek is quick to greet him with a kiss, before wrapping his arms around Craig’s middle and resting both hands on his stomach. 

“Sorry, it’s just, I never thought I’d see you so  _ big”  _ Clyde says, his rephrase isn’t much better. Craig looks down at his tummy self consciously, he’s already pretty uncomfortable in his own skin. He doesn’t need everyone pointing it out.

“He means because you were skinny in high school” Token says diplomatically. 

“ _ Were?”  _ Craig frowns, he’s pregnant, not fat. He could be skinny again afterwards. 

“Well yeah, you’re kinda fat now” Clyde says with a shrug and Craig bites his lip. Tears are welling in his eyes, even if he knows it’s just the hormones. He hates how out of control his emotions are.

“Don’t call him  _ -gah- _ fat!” Tweek yells at Clyde defensively “don’t cry” he says nicely to Craig, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“You just did!” Clyde objects “this is unfair!”

“Only Tweek is allowed to say that, fuck you” Craig says with a frown, flipping Clyde the bird. 

—

Craig sighs as he stares into the dark. Sleep eludes him lately, it’s been impossible to get comfortable. It’s been a lot of nights of him lying awake because he’s being kicked or the kids in a shitty position. It has him bitter because school doesn’t care that he’s uncomfortable all the time and gets zero sleep. He still has to get up in the morning and go to class, whether the baby has been an asshole or not. 

The kicks don’t hurt, well sometimes they hurt, but most of the time they’re just annoying. They’re strong enough to keep him awake though, having a living thing in amongst his insides is never not weird. 

“Can’t you just sleep” he says quietly to his stomach “or settle, at least.”

He rubs a spot under his belly button, where he feels the strongest movement. He probably ate something sugary, it’s pretty hard to resist when he’s craving it. His nausea is finally beginning to taper off and now almost all food is impossible to resist. Tweek says that sugary foods can make the baby more active but Craig never really thinks about the consequences when there’s a donut in front of him. 

He supposes that if he were on a sugar high and crammed into a tiny space he might wanna move around too. There’s only so much space in his belly, and Craig feels like the baby is running out of it. He doesn’t know how he’s gonna make it to nine months. Very uncomfortably he supposes. 

“Ugh!” He groans loudly as the kid moves into a worse position. The kids’ now putting more pressure on his stomach, which is still pretty full from dinner. While it doesn’t make him sick or anything, it’s just really not comfy. 

The noise he makes wakes Tweek. On one hand Craig thinks,  _ good it’s his fault anyway!  _ And on the other he feels awful. One of them should probably get some sleep. Tweek makes a groggy noise before rolling over to face Craig. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks quietly.

“Sorry, the baby moved to somewhere super uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to be so loud” Craig says apologetically. 

“It’s okay, does it  _ -ah-  _ hurt?” Tweek asks, he heaves himself closer to Craig and rubs slow circles over his belly.

“No, it’s just pressure. I feel kinda bloated” he says “like I ate too much.”

“You ate a whole person” Tweek grins cheekily.

“I’ll kill you” Craig replies, pushing him away playfully. He regrets it almost as soon as he does, he misses the warmth of Tweek and the weight of his touch. Lord, he’s pathetic. 

Tweek isn’t deterred, he moves back in and presses a kiss to Craig’s lips. 

“Love you” he hums happily.

“I love you too” Craig acquiesces “I couldn’t do this without you. I know I give you shit a lot, but yeah…”

“Well, if we’re being  _ -hnn-  _ nice to one another - I’m proud of you. You’ve handled a lot, man” Tweek says sincerely.

“Thanks, you’ll be making it up to me forever” Craig replies, knowing he’s being a brat. 

“I don’t doubt it” Tweek retorts, Craig can hear the eye roll in his voice. 

Craig lets the moment settle, the silence falling around them comfortably. He moves in closer to Tweek, as close as his belly will allow and rests his head on Tweek’s chest. 

“I’m kinda scared though, honestly” Craig says when he finally breaks the silence. 

“Me too, but I think we’ll  _ -nnn- _ be okay” Tweek replies tiredly “We’re gonna love the kid so much other stuff like money and planning won’t matter.”

“I know I just like dunno what to do with a baby, you know?” Craig confesses.

“You ever held one?” Tweek asks him. When he thinks about it, Craig really hasn't. Not technically. He held his cousins as a kid but he had adult supervision and support. But as an adult, he's got zero experience with a newborn. 

“Not since I was a kid” Craig mutters. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever held a baby ever, yet I know we’ll be okay” Tweek says, so casually. 

“How can you possibly know that?” Craig replies with a frown. 

“I dunno, I just feel it” Tweek shrugs. Because that  _ would  _ be Tweek’s answer. New age touchy-feely asshole. 

“That’s not really how my brain works, Tweek” Craig says flatly. 

“I know man, but like, that’s part of the  _ -nghh-  _ reason why you’ll be good? Like… I know you’ll prepare and stuff really thoroughly. You’re the kind person who  _ -ah-  _ does things and gets results” Tweek rambles, Craig thinks he gets it though, sort of.

“That kinda made me feel better… in a weird way” Craig admits, weirdly, his heart feels a little lighter. 

“Look, have faith in my faith in you?” Tweek suggests with a smile. He then presses a kiss to the Craig’s head affectionately.

“I’ll try, I love you” Craig replies, snuggling in tight. 

“I love you too man, we’ve said it a lot tonight” Tweek says with a small laugh. 

“It’s just one of those nights I guess” Craig muses, if there’s any time he and Tweek are gonna go for feelings over banter - it’d probably be the dead of night. 

“Yeah, well lemme see if I can get the kid to  _ -hnn-  _ settle down, you need sleep” Tweek says, and starts to rub slow circles where he feels kicks. 

“Hmmm, I knew you were good for something” Craig says sleepily, letting himself relax. 

—

Craig knows he's milking it a little but he feels like he deserves it. He's been carrying this baby for nearly seven months and it's been hard. He's uncomfortable, tired and moody. Surely he deserves to be lazy, at least until the baby is born. 

Tweek isn't one to coddle him though, he never has been. If things are bad Tweek will absolutely support him and try to make him feel better but he draws the line at Craig using his pregnancy as an excuse. It's Craig's favorite card to pull. 

“I'm pregnant Tweek don't make me do that.” 

“You got me pregnant Tweek, you should get me food.”

“I can't do the dishes Tweek, I'm tired from carrying your baby all day.”

Tweek will only allow so much. After a while he stops humoring Craig and starts making him contribute. Craig would probably sit on his ass for his entire pregnancy if allowed. 

“Tweeeek” Craig whines “I'm too tired!” 

“Take the trash out, you fat fuck!” Tweek yells back, at the end of his tether. 

“Fuck you, I'm carrying your baby you asshole!” Craig sneers, this is one of his favorite draw cards. 

“You can't use that as an excuse to manipulate me  _ -gah- _ , take out the damn trash” Tweek shoots back. He's probably had a bad day at work and is done with Craig's crap.

“I hate you” Craig says, glaring daggers. 

“I don't care, you're pregnant not an  _ -ah-  _ invalid” Tweek is shaking his head, he rolls his eyes and turns his back to Craig.

“Stress is bad for the baby Tweek, you're making me stress” Craig attempts to appeal to Tweek’s emotions, though he’s not sure why he’s pushing or being so petty. 

“You'll survive! You're both  _ -nnn-  _ fine!” Tweek says stiffly, not buying it.

“How would you know? You're not in my body!” Craig shrieks. He’s not quite sure how to stop this, his emotions have been taking over this pregnancy. And before he knows it he’s picked a fight and yelling at Tweek for no other reason than that he feels insecure.

“I know you're a  _ -nghh-  _ little bitch, that's all I need!” Tweek yells back irritably.

“Slave driver!” Craig hits back, it’s lame but it’s all he’s got. He knows he’s being petty. 

“Lazy ass!” Is Tweek’s equally weak reply. 

“Fuck you! I'll do it but don't come looking to feel kicks tonight, you fucking dick!” Craig says dramatically, giving in but on his own terms. 

“I'll sleep on the couch, and I'll enjoy you not hogging all the  _ -gah-  _ space” Tweek angrily retorts. 

“You bitch” Craig snaps, heading over to take out the trash. 

Craig regrets his words almost as soon as he’s done yelling them but he’s too proud. Even before falling pregnant, he’s always been this way - he struggles to admit he’s wrong and struggles even harder to say sorry. So they spend the rest of the afternoon not speaking - they eat separately and Craig retires to the bedroom while Tweek takes the couch. Craig goes earlier than he normally would just because of the awkward tension in the air. He tries to read more of his book but really, he just thinks about ways he could apologise. 

He can’t sleep, even when he snuggles under the covers and turns off all the lights. It’s just not right without Tweek, he needs the familiar warmth and weight so that he can really let himself rest. 

He knows it’s pathetic, but not long after midnight he gives up and heads downstairs, blanket wrapped around him tight. 

He pads towards the couch awkwardly, knowing that he could well be rejected. That Tweek may not be ready to forgive, but he has to try. He wants Tweek’s arms around him more than he wants to be stubborn. He peeks in to see Tweek awake, scrolling on his phone. The dim light illuminating his tired features, Craig feels a little more confident. Maybe Tweek is missing him too. 

“Hey” Craig says, still standing in the doorway threshold. Not sure if he has permission to fully enter.

“Hey” Tweek replies “you okay?”

“I just miss you” Craig tells Tweek honestly, he just wants to get this part over with. No messing around or beating around the bush. 

“I miss you  _ -nnn- _ too” Tweek says with a small smile. He curls his legs in so that there’s space for Craig on the couch. Craig takes the invitation and settles in, Tweek lays his legs on Craig’s lap - a good sign. 

“I’m sorry, I just got in a mood… I’ll take the trash out and stuff. Sorry I was a brat” Craig looks at his lap, or well, Tweek’s feet resting in his lap, pressing against the curve of his stomach. 

“It’s okay, I got yelled at at work today for  _ -nghh-  _ dropping someone’s coffee - I was taking some shit out on you. I shouldn’t have done that” Tweek admits.

“We both had a moment I guess” Craig says quietly, raising his head so that his eyes meet Tweek’s. 

“Yeah, and I’m sorry too Craig” Tweek nods in agreement. 

“You can come back to bed… if you want? It’s cold without you” Craig hopes he’s walking the line between cute and pathetic. Because yeah, he’s needy and he knows it. He wants Tweek to know that he needs him, and that he is welcome in their bed - despite the argument. 

“Okay” Tweek replies with a small smile “I couldn’t sleep without you  _ -ah-  _ either.”

“I love you” Craig says quietly, he threads his fingers together with Tweek’s as they head back to the bedroom together. 

“Love you too” Tweek hums “it’s gonna take more than an argument to get rid of  _ -hnn- _ me.”

They don’t always fall asleep intertwined these days, and that’s mainly because Craig finds almost every sleeping position to be uncomfortable. But tonight is an exception, Craig feels lonely and he doesn’t think he can sleep any other way. So when they climb into bed together he encourages Tweek to be the big spoon and to hold him tight. He only finds sleep being held, Tweek’s fingers drawing circles on his belly. 

—

Craig groans as he stares down at the expanse of his belly. It's huge, bigger than he could have ever predicted or expected. Craig is ready to have this baby, he can't do anything at the moment. He's off both work and school, not because the baby is due any day now, but because he's so big his mobility is so hindered. He does a lot of sitting around now, he's enjoying being lazy but he does miss his independence. He's very reliant on Tweek, and is mostly confined to the bed when Tweek isn't home. He's so tired of being uncomfortable, he feels so squished on the inside yet he's still got three weeks to go. He doesn't know how this baby is gonna still fit on three weeks. All he gets now is painful kicks and jabs as the baby struggles to get comfortable. 

He runs a hand over the curve of his stomach, not only is it big, it's heavy. Walking hurts, sitting hurts, even lying down hurts. He's constantly out of breath, has chronic indigestion and has annoying bouts of Braxton Hicks contractions. He's terrified of labour, of the hard work and effort, of the pain and that he'll actually be responsible for this baby. He rests his hand on his lower stomach, where he can feel the baby wriggling. He's scared, but he's ready for this baby to come out. 

Because doing things has become so difficult Craig's mother Laura has been coming around on and off. Craig's extremely grateful for her help because both he and Tweek have been a bit presumptuous. They'd both assumed they'd both be working right up until Craig's due date. They'd really taken that for granted, Craig hadn't even thought about what might happen if he got too big, or got put on bed rest or something. So he's grateful for all the help his mom has given him, even if he feels kinda like a child accepting it.

Tweek is home now, but his mom is staying the night so that she can help Craig run some errands tomorrow. Craig honestly kind of likes having her around, she's been great helping him calm his anxieties about childbirth and parenthood. 

“This is fucked” complains Craig, glaring down at his belly. His lower stomach is stretching outwards with the movement of the baby, it's both painful and annoying. He rubs the abused area hoping he might get his child to settle. 

“That's pregnancy” Laura replies “what did you expect?”

“I wasn't trying to get pregnant so I didn't expect anything” Craig grumbles. 

“Didn't anyone teach you how to use a condom? Pretty sure it's covered in school” Laura replies sassily. Craig rolls his eyes, sure, they could have been more careful but they're adults. They'll manage. 

“I was away that class” Tweek interjects “too  _ -gah-  _ squeamish.”

“I went, I was just playing my game boy under the desk” Craig replies with a shrug. 

“I had the talk with you, no excuses” Laura reminds him a little smugly. 

“I blocked it out, too traumatic” Craig hits back.

“Also Tweek, you're too squeamish for sex ed class but you're not too squeamish for actual sex?” Laura questions, turning the focus onto him. 

Tweek shrugs “I'm stupid, you  _ -nghh- _ know this.”

Craig has to laugh a little at that, but his joy is cut short by a painful jab. The kid kicks and stretches, he winces in pain and discomfort. 

“Our kid is so fucking annoying, settle the fuck down you psycho” he says, pressing a hand to the active area. 

“Don't say that about the baby, they can  _ -ah-  _ hear you now!” Tweek scolds.

“Good” Craig looks down to his stomach and talks directly to it “stop being a fuck!”

“Stop being a baby Craig, you've only got three weeks left” Laura cuts in. 

“Hey! I'm in hell! You think it's comfortable carrying a whole ass person around in your stomach?” Craig yells, frustrated. He thought at least his mom would be sympathetic, she's had two kids after all. 

“It's okay babe, here's a  _ -nghh-  _ donut” Tweek says kindly, handing Craig the aforementioned baked good. Tweek knows he's been craving them, and that Craig is always easily bribed with food. 

Craig takes the donut and begins to chow down, at least he has sugar. Sugar won't let him down.

—

Craig is ready to go long before his body is. He's dragged Tweek to the hospital for three false alarms, but this is his first baby. He's never given birth before, how's he supposed to know what it feels like. It's hard to tell, mostly everything hurts and is uncomfortable. He's not sure how he's supposed to distinguish that from real labour. The nurses at the hospital have been super nice about it though, they've been understanding that they're young, a bit unprepared and that it's their first baby. So they've always humored Craig and checked him every time he's come in. 

Craig is overdue now, Tweek has officially taken off work and Craig is so relieved for it. Who would have taken him to the hospital all those times if Tweek wasn't here? Craig doesn't want to think about it. All he knows is he's miserable, he feels like people have been saying “any day now” for at least a week. For him, he's having contractions every day (apparently they're fake ones, but fake or not he's in pain), he can't sleep and the contractions make his stomach very tight. He's tired, and he really wants this baby out. 

He's spent most of today in bed, he has barely any energy as the discomfort and lack of sleep are really getting to him. Tweek is currently on the phone to the hospital, because he doesn't like how lethargic Craig is being. Craig either wants to go into labour or fall asleep. Either is good. 

“C'mon babe” Tweek says as he walks back in the room, clearly having hung up the phone “let's go.”

“Go where?” Craig mumbles in confusion. 

“The hospital, they wanna  _ -hnn-  _ induce you” Tweek replies. 

“Why?” Craig asks, a little dazed. He doesn't quite understand what's going on, all he knows is he's tired and the corner of his eyes are going a little fuzzy.

“Because you're  _ -nnn- _ overdue and you're clearly not right. They wanna see if you need a c-section or not” Tweek explains, he places a hand on Craig's forehead “kinda warm” he says with a frown. 

“I don't want a c-section” Craig complains. 

“I know babe” Tweek says sympathetically “but you're not yourself, I'm worried about you.”

“I'll go, I want them out” Craig replies. He struggles to sit up with the weight of his belly. Tweek very kindly grabs his hands and helps him up. Craig wobbles on his feet a little before Tweek moves in for support. 

“They're gonna come out, whether it's a  _ -gah- _ c-section or just an induction” Tweek promises, rubbing the small of Craig's back.

“I'm too tired to push, Tweek. Ask them if we can wait… so I don't have to have a c-section” Craig mumbles. He couldn't push now, he can barely stand up on his own. 

“I love you, but you aren't making sense” Tweek says with a concerned frown “Where's your baby bag? We gotta  _ -hnn- _ go.” 

Once they get to the hospital it becomes pretty obvious to everyone that Craig has a temperature. Although not much else seems wrong they decide to schedule a c-section to be on the safe side. Craig doesn't want the section but he knows deep down he hasn't got the energy to labour for hours and eventually push. He wants his baby here as safe as possible, and the doctors convince him that the section is it. So he signs the consent form and lets them pump a bunch of drugs in him beforehand. He's already kinda delirious from his fever, the drugs don't really help. But in the long run it's better, he's too busy being high to care that he's being cut into while he's awake.

It's not how he imagined labour would be. He's felt hardly any pain, hasn't really had any for real contractions and he's only waiting a few hours before he's being taken to theatre. It's more chill than he thought it would be. Maybe it's actually better that he's getting the section. 

Tweek clutches his hand as they operate, Craig feels the pressure as they begin but feels no pain. Instead he watches Tweek's leg jiggle up and down nervously while he tries not to giggle. He's not even sure what's so funny, he just feels so floaty and cool. It's nice. He wonders if the baby is high as balls too. 

“Nearly there sweetheart” a nurse calls and Craig can hear Tweek suck in a nervous breath.

“We don't know the gender, do we?” the doctor asks.

“No” Tweek replies, Craig concentrates on the weird tugging feeling going on inside him.

“It's a surprise” Craig slurs.

“Here we go!” the doctor calls as Craig feels a weight lifting from his belly. 

“Where's my baby!” he asks, listening for the cry. His heart squeezes when he finally hears it, the piercing shriek he's been waiting nine months to hear. Before he even sees his baby he begins bawling, overwhelmed at just the sound of their voice. 

“She's here” the nurse says, placing the tiny screaming bundle on Craig's chest.

Tweek jumps up to attention  _ “she”  _ he breathes “it's a girl!” 

Craig is still sobbing, giving his daughter a run for her money as he stares at her perfect little face. She's all red and squished up but she's  _ his.  _

“Oh my god” Craig says through his tears “Tweek she's  _ so ugly!”  _

Tweek bursts into laughter, “no she isn't!” he replies “she's  _ -ah-  _ beautiful!”

“She's so ugly and I love her” he sobs as he looks down at his tiny, wrinkled, ugly one. She's finally here. 

—

“Tweek come here!” Craig calls.

“What, what is it?” Tweek replies, rushing into the room and out of breath. 

“Tweek, our baby is dumb as shit!” Craig says, beaming with pride. 

“What? She's like,  _ -nnn-  _ three weeks old… she can't do anything yet” Tweek frowns, calming down a little as he realizes there's no emergency. 

“She just farted so hard she woke herself up! You should have seen her face!” Craig says excitedly. Grinning wide and staving off giggles. Babies are so stupid and gross and he loves them. 

“I thought something was  _ -gah-  _ wrong Craig! Don't scare me like that!” Tweek scolds, but he's laughing as he does so.

“She's so gross” Craig coos “I love her so much.”

Craig's surgery went well and everything was about as straightforward as it could be. Their daughter, Hazel, came out healthy and screaming. Tweek cut her cord and they all marveled at how chunky she was. That hasn't changed, she's a chubby little thing. Craig needed a little more time to recover, he just had surgery after all but he also had the fever which the hospital managed. Luckily everything healed as it was supposed to and both Craig and Hazel got to come home after about forty-eight hours in hospital. 

So far they've been enjoying parenthood. Craig knew he'd love his child, but he did wonder if he'd go mad being around the house talking baby talk all day. So far it's been good, he doesn't mind the routine and the limited activities. He has Hazel and he has Tweek, doing things as a family is more exciting than he would have thought. He's still a bit sore from the section, so Tweek does a lot more preparation or anything that requires movement. But Craig can still feed her while he's sitting down.

Tweek has amazed Craig. Craig can't believe Tweek has never held a baby before, he's never seen someone so good with an infant. Tweek is some kind of baby whisperer, he's great at getting her to calm and getting her to sleep. Craig actually doesn't know where Tweek has pulled this from, it's like he has a magic dad switch that nobody ever knew about before. Craig loves it though, he's never been more attracted to Tweek than when he watches him get their daughter settled and back to sleep.

“She’s so fucking stupid” Craig whispers as they watch her sleep. She’s just a little blob they brought into existence. She can’t do anything for herself, she relies wholly on them and she’s absolutely got them wrapped around her little finger. She’s just a squished, ugly blob. Their DNA both smashed together to create her - Craig loves her more than anything he’s ever loved before. Except maybe Tweek, the only person in the universe he’d want to share his DNA with.

“Stop fucking swearing you  _ -nghh-  _ dick” Tweek whispers back “she’ll understand you one day!” 

“Good, it’ll motivate her to be less stupid” Craig jokes, Tweek knows him well enough to know he doesn’t mean it. 

“Don’t act like you don’t love her, as she is” Tweek smirks.

“You’re right, babies are dumb, but she’s  _ our  _ baby so therefore she’s amazing” Craig agrees. He looks at her sleeping form, still amazed that she was the thing causing him so much discomfort in his belly. It weirds him out that she was in there in general. 

“Absolutely” Tweek says with a smile “she’s ours, so she’s  _ -ah-  _ perfect.”

—

“So, I got a thing” Craig says with a shit eating grin on his face. 

“A thing?” Tweek frowns, he’s just got home from work and is barely in the door. Craig has stayed home all day with Hazel. They went to the shops earlier to run some errands but predominantly they’ve been at home. Craig feels like he’s beginning to get the hang of their routine.

“A beanie, for Hazel” he tells Tweek.

“Is it cute” Tweek asks cautiously, Craig has brought home hideous attire for Hazel before. Tweek can’t trust easy when he’s been burned before. 

“It’s funny” Craig answers honestly, grinning as he teases his boyfriend.

“Funny? Man, what did I tell you about  _ -hnn-  _ buying trashy things for our daughter?” Tweek says with an eye roll.

“Like always, I wasn’t listening. I got her this” Craig beams, holding up a beanie that is shaped like a boob, the Pom Pom at the top the nipple. It says milk addict on it in big letters. It’s so ugly, but Craig couldn’t not buy it. 

“Craig that is gross” Tweek makes a face in disgust. 

“You’re gross, I love it! I think she looks cute” Craig counters, what’s the point in having a baby if you can’t dress them in funny outfits.

“She always looks  _ -ah-  _ cute, you’re putting a nipple on her head - that’s cursed” Tweek replies “You’re the worst.”

“We are cursed Tweek. We’re the most cursed pair of parents you will ever meet” Craig shrugs. Tweek moves in closer, reaching out his arms to take Hazel from Craig, and while Craig loves his daughter, he’s sort of glad for the reprieve. He’s been holding her all day and it’s definitely Tweek’s turn now.

“You’re not wrong, she’s not wearing it in  _ -ah-  _ public though” Tweek says, rocking Hazel back and forth. She stirs a little after being shifted from Craig to Tweek but Tweek works his magic and she settles pretty quickly. 

“Too late, it’s already on insta babe! Clyde’s already liked it!” Craig exclaims with a big laugh. 

  
“Of course he has” Tweek deadpans “Your daddy is so  _ -nghh-  _ stupid! Lucky I love him.”

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is blesspastacraig if you wanna be friends :)


End file.
